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Da Bank Job – Andy Hall

A Black Library Publication

eBook license

Da Bank Job

Andy Hall

The ball shot from the orc’s arm as if fired from a cannon. It went spiralling high through the air in a perfect arc. By Nuffle’s own definition, the throw was the epitome of a long bomb. The fans in the packed, ramshackle stadium – a noxious mix of dwarfs and greenskins – were silenced for the first time in what had been a brutal game thus far. The orc blitzer, wearing the captain’s nose ring, looked on in momentary admiration as the ball went flying over the crowd, over the floodlights, over the stadium’s high walls, and out of sight. He then looked at the thrower, stood next to him, and at the opponent’s end zone… three yards away.

‘You were meant to ’and it off, you stoopid, squig-sucking git.’

‘Sorry, boss, it’s just dat all season you’ve be on at me to throw a long ’un and I finally ’ad a chance.’

Before the captain could swear at his inept thrower again, the pair were set upon by the dwarf defence – piled into by eight bearded psychopaths, all eager to dig their elbows into the orcs’ squashy bits. And then everything froze, as if a pause button had been pressed – most likely because it had.

‘There you go, Bob,’ snickered Jim Johnson to his fellow commentator, as the view switched from the frozen orc and dwarf scrum to an in-studio shot of a small, spectacle-wearing vampire with a rictus grin. ‘As voted by CabalVision HD’s viewers, that is last season’s most hilarious play!’ Large CabalVision logos were revolving behind the studio sports desk at which the vampire presenter was sitting. Looming next to him was his fellow pundit, a brutal-looking ogre with scars that could only have been garnered off a Blood Bowl field.

‘The irony is, Jim, it was a good pass… if the thrower had been standing two hundred yards downfield of ’is target, instead of next to ’im! But then dat’s what we’ve come to expect from Brobrag’s Big ’Uns!’

‘True, Bob, they may have only formed at the start of the season, but they’re quickly gaining a dire reputation. Err, where you going, Bob?’

‘Dat’s it, Jim. Season’s done, I’m off on me jollies. See you in three months!’

‘Right… Okay… well, as Bob leaves let’s have another look at that humiliating clip of Brobrag’s Big ’Uns. I bet their backer wasn’t too pleased–’

The picture stopped suddenly as the ogre landlord smacked the large crystal ball positioned at the end of the bar, the vision within shaking for a second and then switching channel to the WOLF Network’s post-season offerings. The nose-ringed orc breathed a sigh of relief and cautiously peered about as he supped his grog, wondering if the other ‘patrons’ in the heaving bar had recognised him from the footage. It was a big ask, as The Krafty Snotling was a hotspot for Blood Bowl players, their agents and autograph-hunting fans. The walls were adorned with trophies, MVPs, pennants, and many pictures of the ogre landlord – himself an ex-coach – posing with star players, past and present. The orc blitzer wasn’t happy; this was the last place he wanted to be after the previous season, but those who wanted to meet him had insisted. So he sat in a corner booth, as far away from the bar as possible, with a picture above him of the smirking landlord giving a large thumbs up next to Varag Ghoul-Chewer. It was a nice shot, although the imprisoned daemon inside the CAMRA must have been running low on red pigment as the blood spatter on Ghoul-Chewer’s loin-cloth looked a little too orange.

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A Black Library Publication

Published in 2016 by Black Library, Games Workshop Ltd,
Willow Road, Nottingham, NG7 2WS, UK.

Produced by Games Workshop in Nottingham.

Da Bank Job © Copyright Games Workshop Limited 2016. Da Bank Job, GW, Games Workshop, Black Library, Blood Bowl, Warhammer, Warhammer Age of Sigmar, Stormcast Eternals, and all associated logos, illustrations, images, names, creatures, races, vehicles, locations, weapons, characters, and the distinctive likenesses thereof, are either ® or TM, and/or © Games Workshop Limited, variably registered around the world.
All Rights Reserved.

A CIP record for this book is available from the British Library.

ISBN: 978-1-78572-284-4

This is a work of fiction. All the characters and events portrayed in this book are fictional, and any resemblance to real people or incidents is purely coincidental.

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